Yume O Miru To Dream
by Setsuna529
Summary: Houjun Chichiri must confront Kouran's ghost... Please Review. CH. 4 & 5 up! *completed...?*
1. Part 1

Disclaimer/ Author's Note: Hello, and thank you for reading my fanfic. The characters of Houjun (Chichiri), Kouran, and Hikou are creations of Watase Yu. This fic contains possible spoilers about Houjun's past, so be forewarned. I hope you enjoy my story, and if I get positive remarks about it, I will try to write more of it. I have part of chapter two written, but at the moment have lost motivation to finish it - plenty of positive reviews could help me to overcome my writer's block. ^_- Anyway, please enjoy, and when you're done reading, please leave a review. Thanks! 

Ri Houjun's eye fluttered slightly, as he slept, in response to the soft caress of a hand whispering across his bare chest. The hand continued its gentle stroke as a quiet voice, melancholy, called his name: "Houjun..." 

He felt himself rising into consciousness from the blessed land of sleep. His right eye opened slowly, groggily, while his left eye, lame and useless for years now, did not stir. He blinked, allowing his eye to adjust to the not-quite-darkness of a full moon midnight. His eye fell upon the hand that placed a soft pressure on his skin, and he was confused. His tired gaze followed the hand to the arm it was connected to, and from the arm to the body, and body to face. And from there, he was now fully awake. 

His breath hitched, and he drew back from the hand, afraid and ashamed. The hand fell to its owner's side, hurt at his response. Houjun stared intently out the window at the full moon, avoiding the stare of his visitor. A long moment passed before he summoned courage enough to speak, but he still would not look at her. 

"Kouran no seishin... Spirit of Kouran, why do you come here? Do you wish to plague me with your memory?" 

"Houjun... you call me 'spirit' and treat me as though I am some inhuman monster! Are you not happy to see me?" When he did not answer, she continued. "Houjun, it is I, Kouran, who stands before you now. Do not disrespect me in this manner... Houjun-kun... look at me!" 

The desperation and sadness in her voice compelled him to turn his head towards her, but instead of meeting her eyes, he stared down at the bedsheet draped loosely about his lap. 

"Houjun..." He could hear the quiver in her voice, and it pained his heart to know that she was on the verge of tears, but to face the one whom he had once loved... 

The ghostly pale, almost transparent hand once again reached out to him, was slowly, shakily stretching towards his face. He closed his eye tight and bit his lip, body tensing in anticipation of the touch. He was not afraid. He had not felt her touch for as long as he had not had use of his left eye - longer, in fact. Not since that one ill-fated day... 

Hikou... Hikou was gone. She was too. She wasn't supposed to be there, wasn't supposed to be among the living, wasn't supposed to... 

The icy touch of her hand to his cheek derived from him a sharp gasp. He could no longer resist. Unrestrained, he threw himself at her pale feet with an anguished sob. His futile attempts to grasp her ghostly robes resulted in racking long-hidden griefs, and tears streamed down his right cheek, leaving damp and salty spots on the sheet of the bed. Surprise at his behavior overtook Kouran for a moment, and she instinctively tried to comfort him, but, as much as he could feel her phantom hands, he himself could not touch her. 

He knelt before her, muttering prayers of sorrow, grief, and regret. "Houjun," she whispered, placing soothing hands on the sides of his head. He moaned pleas for forgiveness, and pain-filled droplets continued to stream down his cheek. 

"Houjun-kun," she whispered melancholy, holding his grieving head, "Do not mourn any more for me or Hikou, Houjun. You did so once, and your sorrowed payments are no longer required. Be ashamed no longer, Houjun; lift your head. Look at the one whom you once considered for a wife." 

At the gentle command he raised his head, vision blurred from love-spawned tears. He brought up his hand to clear them away - indeed, it was the same hand that had brutalized his left eye, and before that had released from its grip the hand of his best friend. 

The hand that murdered Hikou and led to Houjun's self-exile from his home. 

But did she know? 

And so, for the first time in years long past, Houjun looked into Kouran's eyes, the eyes of his beloved. 

And what he saw amazed him.


	2. Part 2

Author's Note: First of all, thank you so very, very much to all who have reviewed my fanfic so far. I would especially like to thank Otaku Pitcher - your review actually inspired me to finish writing the second chapter, and I've actually written a total of four chapters now, which I plan to put up in the following few weeks. I hope this chapter is as good as the first. And, as always, please review. Otaku Pitcher, this one's for you! ^_^ 

And so, for the first time in years long past, Houjun looked into Kouran's eyes, the eyes of his beloved. 

And what he saw amazed him. 

The magnitude of what lay beyond those shimmering pools was above all mortal comprehension. A myriad of expansive emotions overshadowed by a dominant shine of all-encompassing love, and he knew only a small portion of it radiated back from him. He reached out to caress her shapely, beautiful face only to dejectedly rediscover that he could not touch her; she could only touch him. She caught his hand with her own two before it fell, and held it to her, eyes closed. She could feel his warmth; he could feel her cold. And thus, they were reunited, yet separated from each other by an unfathomable distance. 

After a few contemplative moments of silence and observation, Houjun opened his mouth to speak. And not being one to find discouragement in a failed first attempt, he managed to speak her name. 

"K... Kouran..." 

His mouth caressed the name as he spoke it, his ears caressed the sound. It was foreign, yet familiar... it had been ages since he had last spoken it aloud, and it held all of the beauty of the person to which it referred. 

Kouran. 

"Kouran." 

She looked at him, still clutching his hand in hers, and smiled a sad smile. 

"Houjun." 

He looked at her. Even though she was not of the living world, he could tell she was reserving herself about something. Even in death, she was still herself. 

"Kouran..." 

"Hai, Houjun-kun?" 

Even the inflections in her voice hadn't changed, although there was a constant underlying sadness in her tone. 

"...What is it? There's something on your mind..." 

She blinked. She didn't think it had shown... didn't think he had noticed. But he had. She glanced at the ground sheepishly for a brief moment, then returned her gaze to him. 

"It's nothing... I... was just wondering how you... how you got your scar." 

Houjun blinked. The scar...? He touched his torn eye briefly with his left hand. Then he remembered. She had never seen the scar, had never known about the struggle with Hikou, had never known or seen anything after that fated day, the day that more than half of the town perished in a disastrous flood, including... 

He shook his head slightly and steadied himself, pushing those memories away while he fought the urge to sink into a depressive state of regret, self-pity, self-hatred... not again. Now was the time to confront his demons, his memories properly, as the man he had striven to become. He looked at her, seeing an unsure expression on her face. 

"...Houjun?" 

"Gomen nasai, Kouran-chan, I... it's just that..." 

"It was because of me, wasn't it? I dishonored you, and drove the three of us apart... I ruined it all didn't I?" Tears began to form in her faded, beautiful eyes. "It's all my fault..." She raised a hand and gingerly touched the vicious scar that had sealed his left eye and rendered it useless ever since what had seemed to be an eternity ago, and as she did so, began to weep shadowy tears. "I beg you... forgive me, although I do not deserve it... I am to blame for it all..." 

"Iie, Kouran-chan... the blame is not entirely yours to take. Hikou and I are as much at fault as you ever were, and more so, I believe." 

"You've always been the kind, forgiving soul... oh, Houjun, you never deserved the grief that you were given... Hikou once told me-" 

"Iie, Kouran. Hikou... Hikou's not here, so please, do not speak his words for him." 

She paused to look at him for a moment. "You still haven't forgiven him, have you? And you can't forgive yourself until you can bring yourself to forgive him." 

He sighed wearily then, and closed his eye. "Kouran, I... I've tried to forgive him, and for the most part I have, but..." 

"...But he still betrayed you." 


	3. Part 3

A/N: Thanks again to those who have reviewed so far. I have one, possibly two chapters to post after this one, and from there I haven't decided whether I should just let the fic stand by itself, or if I should continue it... We'll have to see if any ideas pop into my head. Well, here's part three, I hope you will enjoy it as much as the previous parts. Thanks again for reading, and please review! 

"Kouran, I... I've tried to forgive him, and for the most part I have, but..." 

"...But he still betrayed you." 

He did not answer, but that was answer enough. 

She shifted position so that she was now sitting beside him, and she placed her hand on his. "We've all suffered from this, Houjun. He regretted what he did the moment he did it. He let his jealousy and passion get the better of him, and I did not stop him. And I regret that. Neither of us meant to hurt you, Houjun. Hikou knew that he had lost his most cherished possessions in the world when he kissed me - your trust and friendship. As much as you hated him for what he did, he hated himself. Maybe you shouldn't forgive him, but promise me something. Think about how we all used to be, the three of us, before it happened. The love, the happiness. Ask yourself how long you could have lasted, had you been in his position. Even if you can't forgive him, try to understand what he tried so long to endure... if you believe he deserves to suffer his betrayal without forgiveness, then that is your decision to make." 

He did not respond. She allowed him to think in silence. She looked around the room he occupied - bare but for the bed and the few exposed belongings there were. On the floor beside the bed lay a rosary; a frayed strip of reddish cloth had been tied on to it. She recognized the cloth and knew from where it had come, but said nothing. Finally reaching a resolution, Houjun began conversation anew. 

"So... what is it like, after you... you..." 

"...Die?" 

"...Yes." 

A small laugh escaped her, sad but golden. 

"Oh, Houjun... even if I was allowed to tell you, you aren't ready to hear." 

"...Have you seen Hikou?" 

"I have." 

A silent moment passed between them. 

"...He misses you, Houjun." 

"Does he," he remarked with a hint of doubt and remorse. 

"Yes, he does." 

He paused for a moment, allowing her to gently cradle his head in her arms. He inhaled deeply; she still smelled of Kouran, even though she was a ghost. 

"And do you miss me Kouran-chan?" 

"Yes, of course." 

"Then perhaps... I'll join you both..." 

She instantly became serious, and he could feel her tense. 

"No, Houjun," she said sternly, shaking her head. "Don't even think like that. You have too much left for you to do. You must complete what is required of you in this life before you go to the next one. That is the main reason why I'm here." 

"...How do you mean?" 

"Houjun," she said, sighing as she looked at him almost regretfully. "You need to put your past behind you - you must. Myself, Hikou, everything - put it behind you. You have a great many things that you must accomplish, and to do them, you can't be dwelling on past faults and mishaps. Houjun, I came here tonight... to say goodbye..." 


	4. Part 4

A/N: Well, my pathetic plot to try to get more reviews didn't really work... sorry to keep you guys waiting with this chapter, I haven't had the oppportunity to type it up until now, what with my computer completely crashing and whatnot... but here you go. Sorry if it's a little short, I know the last one was too, but they seem a lot longer when you have them written out on paper... oh well. I'm adding the fifth chapter as well, it's not so much a chapter as it is a sort of conclusion for the fic... or at least this part of the fic. I have nothing more written after chapter five, I'm considering whether or not I'm going to end it, and if I continue it, where it should go... any suggestions would be highly appreciated. Thanks again for reading, and please review! 

At first as she looked at him, she saw no change in his countenance. Then she became aware of a glistening of his eye, and she reached forward and hugged him as his tears began to fall to the ground.   
"I... don't want to say... goodbye..." he said, his voice hitching as he spoke.   
"I know... I know..." Kouran replied soothingly, as a mother would a child. She stroked his back gently and kissed him lightly on the forehead. "Come, Houjun," she said, as his tears began to subside, and she helped him to his feet. "It's time."   
They stood facing each other, an arm's length away. He dried his eye and bowed his head. And when he found his voice, said:   
"Farewell, my forever beloved Kouran-chan... goodbye."   
With this last word, he lifted his head, and stepped forward to take her in his arms. The entire evening he had not been able to touch her, and he didn't expect then to be any different, but nonetheless could not help himself. So he was surprised, then joyful when he discovered the feel of her body in his arms. He held her close and hugged her tight, and she returned the action. He kissed her gently on the neck and whispered, "Thank you, Kouran-chan."   
She smiled at him and said, "I'll tell Hikou that you said hello."   
He looked at her for a moment, then nodded his head. "Hai. Please do." He released her and smiled. "Ai shiteru, Kouran-chan. I love you."   
"And I love you." She turned, as to leave. "Oh, Houjun-kun, one more thing..." she added, turning back towards him.   
"Anything."   
She paused for a moment, looking at him. Then she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulled him to her, and kissed him on the lips. She pulled away and smiled at him, true happiness shining from both their faces.   
"Goodbye Houjun-kun. We shall see each other again, I hope."   
"As do I," he replied, and she was gone.   


-------------------------------

  
She watched him for a long time that night, long after he fell asleep. As she thumbed the spot of her kimono from where a strip of cloth had been removed, long ago, she knew that he would be all right. She hoped he would continue to smile as he did that night, for to see him filled with such joy was a rare and beautiful thing, indeed.  



	5. Part 5

Houjun woke up the next morning to the rays of a brilliant gold sun. Her kiss still lingered on his lips and he looked around the room for her, despite knowing that she wouldn't be there, but he still had hoped. It didn't disappoint him though; he felt well-rested, overjoyed, and very much at peace. He stretched and stepped out of his room. He closed his eye and let the sunlight play across his face and bare chest. The past was behind him, the future ahead of him, and he was prepared to take on the day and whatever it might offer.   



End file.
